


Diet.

by grossnoona



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Drabble, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Hurt/Comfort, Izumi throws a couple of punches honestly, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, outside of leoizu the others are mention only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22820032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grossnoona/pseuds/grossnoona
Summary: It’s like going on a diet―This mess Izumi has been in. Honestly.Izumi doesn’t like it at all. In fact, it’s pretty annoying that he’s stuck in this mess.Why couldn’t things not turn out this way?
Relationships: Sena Izumi/Tsukinaga Leo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Diet.

**Author's Note:**

> (pops party poppers)  
> grossnoona here and it's been _three(3) years_ since I last wrote leoizu  
> can you believe it?? dear lord  
> anyway, u might notice the unspecified eating disorder--idk if people quite get it but izumi does this thing where he binges subconsciously like hes aware hes not supposed to do it but _he does it automatically_  
>  also, i use diet as in; to restrain oneself from a particular thing  
> anyway, if ure coolios w that--i hope you have fun!

It’s automatic. Sometimes, Izumi won’t even realise it. The way his eyes stare deep into the drama he has on TV as his hand reaches for the bowl of popcorn in his hands. Just how many episodes and bowls of popcorn has he gone through? Izumi doesn’t know. Izumi doesn’t really know. He’s lost in the timescape of binging.

It’s terrible. _He knows_.

What day is it? Izumi can’t fully recall. If he does, he ends up counting how many days it has been since Leo has been gone. He doesn’t want that. He never wants that. Don’t remind him of that, he thinks to himself as he checks the dead silent phone. Stop bothering. Izumi is aware that he won’t get a single text message. There’s no point in checking at all. He keeps telling himself that but he rushes to his phone every single time a notification pops up.

Stop fooling yourself, Sena Izumi.

Today’s dinner? Take-out that Izumi doesn’t fully recall ordering. Izumi stuffs his face as he watches a gag show on TV. He laughs as he munches on oily food that, on a sane day, Izumi would stray _very far_ from.

Just like every meal, Izumi finds himself feeling as empty as his plates and bowls. It’s hard not to want to eat everything that’s in front of you _but_ Izumi thinks one more bite might make him hurl his guts out. He notices there are still leftovers on the table, he feels his head get dizzy as he wobbles to the bathroom. He would rather not deal with any more food.

Gross. God, this is _so gross_.

Just how many times has he done this? Izumi knows it’s unhealthy. Stop forcing yourself, Izumi will always try to remind himself but he never actually stops. It’s all automatic. He never does this with a full conscious. It’s not like he wants to keep doing this. He never wants to do all of this. It’s terrible that he keeps doing it. Though, it’s not his fault. No, it’s not his fault that he’s fallen back in doing stupid things like eating his heart out and mindlessly watching TV for days.

_There’s a perfectly good reason why he’s like this._

Did an argument sprung between them? Izumi can’t fully recall. All he remembers is wet tears and a slammed door. All Izumi remembers is shouting and crying. All Izumi remembers is flopping on the bed after drinking a glass of water. Did he even eat anything that night? Honestly, Izumi doesn’t recall. He probably didn’t. Not like he cares. He wasn’t hungry anyway. It’d just be a bother to eat when he’s like this.

Just how many times has Izumi checked his empty fridge before finally giving up on thinking of something to make and ordering take-out? Izumi honestly lost count. Just how many times has Izumi tap his foot against the floor or tap his fingers against the table as he stares at the door? Can’t remember. It’s a little annoying but he’s lost count on the amount of times he’s stared at his phone that remains glued to its charging station. _This is so stupid._

Izumi hates that he’s like this. Why couldn’t he just pretend that it doesn’t bother him?

Why couldn’t life be easy for him? Why can’t he forget the feeling of someone holding onto him tightly as they lay in bed together? Why can’t he forget the feeling of someone whispering _I love yous_ into his ears as he giggles like fool in love? Why can’t he forget the feeling of someone kissing him good morning, goodbye, welcome home and goodnight? Izumi doesn’t know the answers to all of that. Izumi hates it so much.

“What a big _fuck you_ from God,” Izumi laughs as he flops on his bed.

How long more does he have to wait this grief out? Izumi doesn’t know. Hopefully not any more. He’s tired of waiting. What if Leo comes back when he finally gets over this grief? Will Izumi let him back in or will Izumi throw him out and tell him to _never come back_? Izumi doesn’t know, to be honest. Izumi can’t properly predict his reaction when he sees Leo. That is if Leo ever comes back.

He’ll come back, right? Leo will _definitely_ come back, right?

Izumi hugs his pillow tightly. _Please come back_ . Izumi doesn’t know how long he can keep living like this. He doesn’t like living alone. It’s not easy to wake up to no one loudly parading in only his underwear as he brushes his teeth. It’s not easy to have breakfast with no one to wildly reenact last night’s dream with a burnt tongue from the hot cup of coffee in that atrocious alien mug that stays in Izumi’s cupboard. It’s not easy to spend the night with no shoulder to lean on as he watches a stupid show that a friend appears as a guest on. It’s not easy to come home to no one playing the piano―No scattered music sheets or awkward dances in the middle of the living room with untitled songs with absurd lyrics that Izumi can never make sense out of. It’s not easy to live without all that noise. Izumi can’t bear a single minute away from all of that. _It’s impossible_.

Izumi stops trying to recall the exact moment he’s fallen asleep. He lost count of how many times he’s passed out on bed after crying. He’s lost count of how stupid and gross he feels every morning as he dreads of his terrible complexion. He knows the cause of all of this but he rather not do anything because that just requires _too much_ energy to do.

Izumi laughs dryly. He’s starting to sound like Ritsu. How weird. If Ritsu saw this, surely, he’ll take pity on Izumi. He’ll probably try to keep Izumi company, even though it’s unnecessary. Despite how many times Ritsu claims to be the laziest and unbothered human being on earth, there lies a worrywart whose heart is so easily hurt over the simplest things like a friend who appears unwell. It’s honestly cute but Izumi doesn’t want to be the cause of Ritsu’s death. If anything, he’d like to be part of the list of reasons why Ritsu should stay alive.

Speaking of irony, Tsukasa would take pity on Izumi’s binging as well. Undoubtedly, he’d make an unflattering comment about how Izumi is cruel for scolding Tsukasa for doing the same things. Little brat might even make a joke out of it, if he feels a little feisty and prideful that day. Even in the most unflattered and messed up condition, Izumi can still click his tongue and spit out a comeback way sharper than that brat ever could. Izumi can’t tell if that just means Tsukasa is too nice or Izumi is too awful. Either way, Izumi rather Tsukasa not drop by at all. He’s not interested in getting scolded today.

Would Izumi let Arashi in? Izumi and Arashi have been linked up since kids. It’s not wrong to say Arashi has seen Izumi like this before. It’s not wrong to say Izumi can’t lie to this one. Even then, Izumi feels like bawling to Arashi would just make him twice as bitter. Not because it’s Arashi he’s bawling to, it’s the fact that he’s probably taking advantage of that sweet kindness she always gives without question. Izumi isn’t one to take advantage of someone’s kindness. Especially, not one that has dragged Izumi back onto his feet _every fucking time_. He rather Arashi stays out of this mess for once. Go on a spa-date with Ritsu and Mika or something. Izumi doesn’t know, really.

What about his other friends? Izumi wonders. Does he really have to contact his friends? Does he really need help from others to get out of this slump? Izumi wonders about that. Though he wants to say he doesn’t need it, his mess of an apartment would say otherwise.

Izumi sighs as he stares at his messy floor. He really stopped bothering to clean up a day after Leo left, huh? Well, it’s not like his apartment looks any different to when Leo was around. It’s a little pathetic that it can reassure Izumi that his apartment doesn’t look any different.

Izumi checks his empty fridge, as per the routine. Maybe he’ll order in. Maybe. Izumi doesn’t feel like going out, even though his phone notes on clear sunny weather. Nothing interesting outside so why bother? Izumi stares out of the window as he makes a mug of coffee. Has he done the dishes? Izumi thought as he turned to the sink filled with dishes. That looks like a no, then. Nothing really is going his way today, huh?

First, he woke up by rolling off his bed. Then, he tripped after getting his leg caught in the pile of blankets. After that, he barely dragged his pathetic limbs into the kitchen only to find out that he hasn’t made a single move in cleaning up the mess. Really, he isn’t interested in cleaning up. He doesn’t wanna do it. He’s too lazy to. Though he says that, he would rather rot and die of starvation then go get dressed and eat out.

Izumi sighs as he crouches on the floor. Just what exactly does he want to do?

What is it that would turn this mess of a self into _anything_ close to himself prior to all of this? Izumi doesn’t know. Izumi wants to know but his brain fails to form an answer. Izumi _wants_ to do something so bad. Anything. Cleaning. Cooking. Talking. _Just anything_. He just wants to do something that isn’t staring mindlessly into the ceiling or the TV as he chews on some ungodly absurd food that only heathens would eat. He really doesn’t want to keep this up anymore but he can’t.

Living like this―It’s an ironic type of diet.

Izumi isn’t hungry but he still forces himself to eat. He doesn’t want anything that is in front of him but he does it anyway because a part of himself tells him to. He doesn’t like it at all. It drives him nuts. Just how is it that he’s putting himself on such a terrible diet that leaves him empty all over? Izumi doesn’t know, to be honest.

Izumi lays on his couch. He isn’t hungry. He isn’t interested in the TV. He doesn’t want to do anything. He just wants to merge with the couch and die.

Just as his mind drifts off to sleep, he hears the door click open. Honestly, he couldn’t be bothered to see who it is. It could be anyone and Izumi wouldn’t be damned to bother greet them. Why should he? It’s not like it’s anyone important, right? Izumi needs sleep anyway. He feels like he hasn’t slept properly in weeks.

Whoever you are, just don’t be a murderer. The last thing he wants is to die in a messy house.

Izumi doesn’t recall much of his dream. He just remembers the feeling of someone holding him and a kiss on the forehead. He recalls giggling a little but he wonders if he did that in real life, let’s hope not. That’d be fucking stupid.

Izumi wakes up in his bed. That’s strange. Izumi doesn’t recall walking back to his bedroom. Is he developing sleepwalking? Is it even possible to develop sleepwalking? God, he might need to talk to Ritsu about this. Though Ritsu may not act like it, it’s hilarious how much he knows about medicine. Had he not decided to be an idol, maybe he could have tried to be a doctor instead. His train of thought gets interrupted by the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Izumi wonders why.

Did Arashi drop by? Izumi doesn’t think so because Arashi wasn’t supposed to be in the country.

What about Ritsu? No, Ritsu vaguely mentioned doing a show today and his shows usually take _all fucking day_ so he doubts so.

Tsukasa, then? Izumi frowns confusedly―Didn’t Tsukasa mention having to lost Izumi’s _fucking spare keys_ that he gave him? With that in mind, Suou Tsukasa is fucking cancelled out. Oh, _most definitely._

As Izumi rakes his mind through other people that _may_ own a copy of Izumi’s keys, he hears humming. Terrible, almost out of tune humming on top of that. It’s almost as if this person doesn’t know how god-awful his singing is. Izumi yawns as he stretches his arms; okay, seriously, who is cleaning his house?

The only other fucking person who would have the keys to this house would be― _Oh._

“ _Good morning, Sena!_ ”

Tsukinaga Leo stands before him. He looks a little bit of a mess but that might be because he’s been cleaning the house for the past hour or so. Izumi stands awkwardly there as Leo frets about. He asks Izumi if he’s even eaten at all today as he uses his shirt to wipe off some sweat from his forehead. Disgustingly charming as always. Izumi can’t help but stutter out a laugh as he watches Leo look at him in confusion.

“ _I thought you were leaving me_ ,” Izumi stutters out as he watched Leo put aside the vacuum cleaner. He doesn’t know what to do. What does he say? What should he do? Does he punch Leo in the face? Does he bawl in tears and hold onto Leo tightly, hoping that he wouldn’t disappear as soon as Izumi lets go? Does he kiss Leo for coming back? Does he cuss Leo out for leaving him for days without answer? Izumi doesn’t know. Izumi is too much of a mess to function properly.

What does he do? What does he do? _What does he do?_

Izumi stares at Leo who smiles cheekily―He holds Izumi’s face as he whispers his apologies. He’s sorry for leaving Izumi like that. He’s sorry for getting mad at Izumi over something unreasonable. He’s sorry for torturing Izumi like that. He’s sorry for doing all of these awful things. It’s okay for Izumi to not forgive Leo. It’s not Izumi’s fault for feeling angry and disgusted that Leo even bothered showing his face to Izumi.

“For Sena, I don’t really care if you hate―”

Izumi throws a punch at Leo without thinking. He shouts at Leo for being awful. He shouts at Leo for leaving so selfishly. He shouts at Leo about how lonely and worried he was. It was awful. Waiting in this empty apartment every fucking day and not getting a single reply. What does Leo think Izumi has in him? A goddamn GPS tracker on Leo? Izumi is a person too, you know?

Izumi takes a deep breath.

“Even when I say all that, why is that I don’t want to throw you out?” Izumi asks as Leo looks at Izumi in surprise. Why is it that Izumi’s heartstrings tug every time he’s met with that stupid confused look Leo always makes when Izumi says he loves him? Why is it that Izumi wants to cry and hug Leo tightly everytime he feels arms wrap around him warmly? Why does this always happen?

Doesn’t Leo know that Izumi is mad? Doesn’t Leo know that Izumi wants him to beg for forgiveness? Doesn’t Leo know that Izumi won’t let him live a single day without being reminded of how he left in Izumi in this mess after he recovers? Doesn’t Leo just how much trouble he’ll be in after this?

Leo’s laughter rings in his ears. He gives Izumi that same stupid bright smile― _Of course_ , he knows how much trouble he’s in but it’s Izumi! Izumi is the last person on earth that would try to hurt Leo with all his might! Izumi would never dare, Leo can say that confidently.

Why does Leo say that? Izumi wants to wonder but he knows the answer.

Leo makes Izumi sit on the couch as Leo cleans the house. Izumi isn’t allowed to do a single chore despite being the one who made the mess. Leo says how it’s his punishment for leaving Izumi like that. Leo makes Izumi take a bath with him―mentioning something about how if they don’t hurry, they’ll be late. Izumi looks at Leo confusedly. Just what exactly is he going on about?

Izumi doesn’t get an answer until Izumi is only in his underwear and dress shirt while Leo has his pants undone and a tank top, getting down on one knee and boldly asking Izumi out on a dinner. In typical fashion, Izumi slaps him in the face. Why didn’t he mention any of this earlier? Leo mumbles that they have roughly an hour before the dinner starts. Is he stupid? Is he _really that_ stupid?

Izumi nags Leo as they stumble over each other to the front of the apartment complex. Izumi hails for a taxi as Leo laughs brightly at Izumi’s panic. Izumi doesn’t understand this idiot at all. He comes home abruptly, doesn’t let Izumi clean up and asks Izumi out on a date _an hour_ before they’re supposed to arrive. This guy drives Izumi up the wall with his stupid antics. He cusses Leo out for being ridiculous but Leo makes it seem like Izumi lacks bite.

Leo kisses Izumi’s hand as he laughs.

“Sena acts like he’ll eat my head for dinner but he won’t, right?” Leo jokes. His breath warms Izumi’s cold hands. Just how long has it been since he left his apartment? Leo wonders for a minute.

“You’re annoying―Maybe if you didn’t try to butter up to me, I would have done that way earlier.” Izumi glares at Leo who laughs. That’s true. Had Leo not tried to butter up Izumi, he really would have been Izumi’s first and last meal of the day. Izumi won’t even have a problem in explaining his death to the rest of the world. _He deserved it_ is something Izumi might say about Leo if that were to happen.

How vicious as always. Though, Leo liked that part of Izumi.

Leo leans closer to finally kiss Izumi whose back presses against the taxi door. Izumi makes a small noise as Leo tries to bring him closer by tugging on his hips. Leo laughs at Izumi’s dazed and red face. Izumi won’t let Leo live after this. He won’t let him live at all. Izumi will make Tsukinaga Leo suffer after this date. Though he says that, Leo looks at him with a dirty smirk that obviously means _something_.

“ _Fuck off_.”

  
“ _I love you too, Sena!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> honestly everything here was written in one sitting so im like h m w the story a little lol  
> its 3am and i have movie tomorrow morning so uh yeha  
> anyway, leoizu good i love them alot but i dont write alot abt them (i should write more)  
> tomorrow, ill probs correct any errors i find!!  
> thank you for reading and i hope you had fun!!  
> (if you want, you can punch me in the face on twt [@drunkossan](https://twitter.com/drunkossan))


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